I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
my being single is dangerous.
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
Randomize
