is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
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