I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
Randomize
