if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
I think I just saw someone hide a body.
im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
Randomize
