see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize
