Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
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