Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Randomize
