i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
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