How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
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