i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
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