He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
Randomize
