a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
you didnt know i had herpes?
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Randomize
