my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
Randomize
