Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
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