Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Randomize
