I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Randomize
