I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
Randomize
