just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
Randomize
