I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Randomize
