i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
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