I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
Randomize
