I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
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