If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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