she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
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