Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
Randomize
