i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
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