That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
Randomize
