I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
Randomize
