we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Randomize
