It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
Randomize
