since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
Randomize
