Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
