I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
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