cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
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