Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize
