just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
Randomize
