Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
do nipples grow back?
Randomize
