I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
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