Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
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