I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
Randomize
