I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
Randomize
