shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
Randomize
