I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
Randomize
