Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Randomize
