whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
