mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
Randomize
