update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
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