sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
Randomize
