yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
Randomize
