I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
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