Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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