I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
Randomize
