I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
Randomize
