One girl and one boy is just not enough.
You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
