I'm lost and stupid without you.
the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
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