Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
Randomize
