I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
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