In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
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