If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
Randomize
