everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
Randomize
