My Higher Power is John Stamos
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
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